The Gluten Bigot: Mommy Guilt Got Me

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Mommy Guilt Got Me

Last week I started a new job. After more than 3 years with my last company I had really outgrown the role I was in, and was itching to get back to a small company / start up environment. And I'm so happy I made the change because that quick pivot has made me excited to go to work everyday and is giving me adequate challenges and professional growth to make it worth my while.

Last week Bricklet's daycare also happened to have an impromptu parents event on Friday morning (at 10am no less). Everytime they have  parent event, all the parents go - and it's not atypical for both parents to go. 

For  the few they've had I've made a point of going for at least part of it to make sure Warren wasn't the only one without a parent. But last week I had my sparkly new job, and obviously want to start off on the best foot - so I asked my husband to cover. He hadn't even considered it. 

I made arrangement to go. Not ideal, but my new boss is cool and willing to accommodate. The plan was to work from home, drop by his 'school' then go into the office. Unfortunately I'm a dumbass and used to having several spare laptop chargers  - but didn't have one for my work laptop yet. So it died when I was working in the evening. Arrgh... into the office for me.

I asked my husband if he could drop in. He pointed out that Bricklet is in fact 18 months old and won't get if we are there are not, and didn't see the point of rescheduling his (super hectic) day even if it was possible to go. 

Of course I felt bad all day. Poor Bricklet, was he the only one whose parents didn't show? Is he old enough for that to make him sad? 

When they sent out the daily report for the 'classroom' they thanked the MOTHERS who came in. Note: mothers. No men decided to mess up their morning meetings. But the mamas did.


This combine with my (very involved and attentive) husband's lack of consideration in attending and the fact it was only women really called out to me what a gender trap these feelings are. My husband did not feel bad. I honestly still feel kinda bad about not going. But my husband has a job and he's trying to accomplish a lot of goals this quarter, just like I'm going to be trying to accomplish a lot. Neither of us is trying to coast, we're both climbing - so why should I juggle work for storytime when he (or any man) wouldn't? 

While I want to be there for all of Bricklet's things, I know this is the first of many I will miss. And there will be things that are legitimately important to him that I miss. I need to focus on keeping time in my pocket for those events, and not feeling bad about the ones inbetween.

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